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It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.


Before I got married I never really understood many parts of myself. You ask why? Well because when we are single or are used to living alone for so long there is no one to tell you about yourself. Of course we all have certain issues in life that we work through and many don't, simply because they don't want to . Being in this relationship I feel like I have grown so much. The rewards are surprising because not only do you grow you learn about yourself. You learn to grow along with others who are different but want the same things you do. To me the word "friendship" conjures up thoughts of honesty, vulnerability, companionship, and mutual respect. It also implies a certain outlaying of time and energy. C.S. Lewis said of friendship: "It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up — painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction." 

I am learning how to live in the same home and share the same space with someone I love without killing them! But if I can give any advice
friendship is one of the characteristics of a happy and lasting marriage, as well as the foundation of a healthy marriage. Research has shown that couples that have a great friendship have a higher percentage overall of marital satisfaction. In fact, the emotional connection that married couples share is said to be five times more important than their physical intimacy. Couples that are friends look forward to spending time together, and genuinely like one another. Their activities and interests actually become enhanced because they have their favorite person with whom to share their life experiences.
I feel like we are bringing up hurts and damage that have been done in the past and in childhood so that we can heal each other. 
Once you start healing each other by communicating and learning each other's love languages things start getting easier. 
As long as you can promise to never give up and continue to have patience for self and one another. We all error and continue to 
grow as we walk along.
The key is to make sure all comes out of love and not anger. Building and nurturing the marital friendship can strengthen a marriage because friendship in marriage is known to build emotional and physical intimacy. Friendship helps married couples to feel safe enough to be more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure. Nurturing and building that friendship in marriage does require practice and takes time and effort. Alicia and I started checking in once a week to ask one another what can we work on as a couple, we are learning that the weekly check ins are not about who is right and who is wrong. It is not about perfection but improving and becoming aware of our reactions before causing more hurt and damage that we inflict upon another. Here are a couple things we do.
1) Rituals ex: doing things together without losing consistency 
2) Making time to find our inner child together
3) Meditate together
4) Laugh often
5) Complete honesty, trust, and vulnerability 
6)Dream together
7)Priority: Make your spouse feel like a top priority
8)Respect each other treat one another equally
9)Cheer on each other’s successes
10)Lean on one another in times of need
11)Appreciate your spouse
12)Be considerate of each other
13)Be forgiving of one another-don’t hold grudge